Falling in Love

The sun warms my skin beneath my sweater and jeans. When I look out upon the vista before me I’m filled with a sense of wonder and beauty I can hardly describe. That feels beyond description. There’s no one thing, no line or shape or shade that defines this body as beautiful but my heart swells with love and wonder all the same.
Nearly every day, since early December, I’ve walked the circumference of Lake Hollingsworth in my hometown and I can certainly say now that this lake has bewitched me. I’ve seen many of her faces, though I think I’ll never know them all, and felt her spirit brush up upon mine. I’ve seen her joyful splashing, her violent swells, her warm embrace and her cold regards when I’ve left her alone for too long. Blues, greens, brown, grey, glittering blinding white. I watched sunbeams cut through heavy clouds to caress her skin like a lover. I’ve seen her scales flash in the light when she’s feeling particularly flirty. She is a marvel.

image

I still wonder how this became my life. Once there was a time when I cursed my homeland, calling it’s wilds ugly, crowded, unclean. I hated the tall shapeless pines, the dense scrub brush of palmetto plants, the multitude of offensive insects and the oppressive, smothering, wet heat. I long for mountains, for Birch trees, for classic European forests and wild. I had no love for swamps, palms, ancient lizards and hanging moss.
I was an indoors person, a techno pagan, if outside was so great why have our ancestors spent millennia perfecting inside?
But slowly, over time, my opinion began to shift and I finally saw the potential for beauty in my home. I still left rarely, only enjoyed the outdoors infrequently and only in certain conditions, but the way had been opened. Years passed.

image

I’m not certain of the specific decision that led me to my lake, a constellation of influences, ideas and time converged until I had the idea to walk around this lake daily to improve my health, pad my step numbers.
She gave me much more than that. For the first time in longer than I can remember, I find myself beyond the grips of my ever-present depression. My good days are more frequent, my bad days far more tolerable. The Sun, the air, the exercise, the lake, a better drug than any doctor could give me. I look forward now every morning to greeting her and her many residents.

image

Hungry ducks, cacophony of crows, majestic  Falcons, bomb diving swallows, and more varieties of water fowl than I can count. Fish, amphibians, insects, turtles, squirrels, and of course the many varieties of people who visit and call this lake home.
I long to know more about her history, the other peoples to have called her home, even if I can never know the names by which they called her.
I remember the first time I “saw” her spirit, a great lizard coiled at the bottom of the lake shaped like a Chinese water dragon. Later she looked instead like a great hulking alligator snoozing in the deep.  But even these forms she defies, refusing to coalesce into anything so solid, instead demanding I accept her as she is, fluid, changing, mobile yet contained. Liminal.

image

A woman, dedicated to gods of wilds and woods, Mountains and rocks, has found her mistress of water.

Leave a comment

Filed under Opinion Piece

Pop Culture Paganism and The Empty God

Magick From Scratch

This post by Heather and this one by Emily Carlin have got me thinking.

I generally limit my discussions of my own gnosis to those things which are helpful to whatever point I’m trying to make. However.

When mystics get together to discuss their experiences, and when, in that discussion, patterns emerge, I generally tend to move those commonalities out of the “crazy astral shit” category to the “possibly helpful to explore more deeply” category.

I understand why pop culture spirits make people uncomfortable, but they are real.

tkaz5 The by-the-book guy who sticks to his research.

From the moment a baby Pagan takes their first steps into the world of Pagan community, they are fed messages about who they should and should not scorn and make fun of. They catch on, pretty quickly, that there are respectable ways of practicing, and ways that will make you a social pariah. This stems…

View original post 2,737 more words

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Love Notes From Freyja 10/16/15

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Spirit Speaks Every Day: Misty Copeland

Everyday, whether you hear it or not, spirit is speaking to you. In the sounds of nature, the words of strangers, the text on printed page, all vehicles that can convey the words of the Gods to your attention if you’re open.
This is one such example for me, and I think it could be for you too so I’ll do my part and pass this along. Maybe it speaks to you, maybe not. Either way I hope this finds you well and you have a lovely day.

Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Gnosis and Doxas: Personal Mythology and Theological Aggression

Love this!

Magick From Scratch

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1402281005/ref=x_gr_w_bb?ie=UTF8&tag=httpwwwgoodco-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1402281005&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2This book accurately sums up my experiences as a teacher. 

Most people, whether they know it or not, have a personal mythology. Usually, it’s pretty pedestrian. We take the randomness that is our life, and we spin it into a cohesive narrative. The actual facts might suffer, but the overall story gives you a really clear picture of how a person sees themselves, and what’s important to them. I find myself falling into this trap when explaining my career, actually. People ask me:  Why did I quit my job as a school teacher? Answer One:

Oh, well, I have always wanted to be a writer, and my husband finally makes enough money now that I don’t have to work.

Answer Two:

I got into education so that I could improve the field by bringing modern teaching methods into our schools. But the truth the matter is that the system is…

View original post 2,435 more words

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

She was strong limbed and strong bodied and her heart was high

She was strong limbed and strong bodied and her heart was high. She would lean over the rim of the world and call whatever lover took her fancy and the wretch would run to her. She was a big fruit full of pulp and juice and of seeds that would lodge between the teeth. She was a world humped with hills and dales and murmurous heather; the sap of the earth came up directly into her and she received its thrust on the hinges of her hips; the wind and the light took root in her and spread into tortuous channels. She was a big, round loaf of bread rising under the leaven, a haystack smoking in the hard sun. Men ran away whimpering before her anger and her desire like fieldmice before the reaping hooks and they lay quivering in the last ridge of barley. Her eyes glowed like live coals, her tongue tasted of hydromel and burned like acid, and her strength rose in her arms like two great bubbles. She would take men by the scruff of their necks and flatten them against the mountains of her body and she would keep them there until their marrow and the juice of their muscles drained and they sank away from her, their empty husks rattling.
– Faure, Lady Godiva and Master Tom, p. 138.

Thanks Danial Donoghe’s Lady Godiva: A Literary History of the Legend for this amazing, unexpected little bit that makes me think of my Goddess.

Leave a comment

December 19, 2014 · 10:28 pm

CBP: On Resolutions

I have an interesting relationship to New Years Resolutions.  This is mostly due to my professional training. I’ve never been all that big into resolutions, I hate making those kinds of things public because if I fail to meet them I have a pretty solid track history of beating myself up over it and mind reading that people think I have no follow through or some other such terribleness.

But as a Hypnotherapist, January (and its resolutions) can make for the busiest season so I’m forced to be aware of it, even though I don’t often partake.

But as I thought on this topic I realized I did have a resolution of sorts, though it had nothing to do with January and was pretty far from the typical resolution fare you’d see in my practice.

In early November I made an oath. It was an oath made at knife point but an oath none the less. I was approached by my goddess in an aspect I’d not interacted with before who drew me up short, and with heart racing and blade pointed made it clear that I could no longer avoid that which I feared most.

I have long had issues with the idea of being embodied. Being incarnated, embodied, having a body was like being trapped in a hated dirty, disgusting meat suit. I could intellectually look at those feelings and see how ridiculous and self defeating and painful they were, but I felt them all the same and was terrified to look deeper and uncover and heal where those feelings sprang from.

Artemis finally said that the buck stops here. You can’t run any longer. Because the fact is I must face these feelings or die, quite literally. It was time for me to connect with my body, to love it, to own it. To accept and love it no matter it’s shape or activity and own it’s physical and sexual nature. Or quit, end this life and incarnate again. Starting all over again and losing what ground I’ve gained toward healing this particular issue.

So I oathed. I swore upon a sword in a circle of others to own my body and make it holy by my decision that it was in fact holy. To own its, MY sexual nature and do the work to heal myself.

As with many things with me I didn’t notice much at first and quickly the oath was put out of my mind. (On a side note, it’s amazing to me the important spiritual things I forget. Artemis’ exact words? No clue. My oath? I have a general idea. First time I interacted with a horsed God who spoke to me specifically and bad me to listen and heed? …ehh something about moons? BOGGLES) But instead of this just fading away and being forgotten, things started to change. I worked with a colleague and friend to uncover the issue and worked it through. I started actually adopting personal changes to improve relationships with my embodied form.

I’ve still quite a ways to go, though as I often say, If you’re here you’re learning and growing and experiencing and it never stops. But I’m doing it.

Thanks be to my Divine Huntress for bending me, shaping me, molding me into your bow little by little, and thanks be to all my Divine Beloveds for supporting and loving me through it all.

And many blessings to you all on your own journeys, know that you are exactly where you need to be.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized